What Works: Building connections and taking lessons from children
This week, I am traveling to see my family in Texas. Whenever I go back to my roots, I’m always reminded of the deep seedlings that exist here for me. These seedlings are connections made during my formative years, all the way back to kindergarten.
I can’t tell you why these relationships have stuck the way they have. But these early connections have certain features to them that adult connections may not. I think there’s a lot we can learn about building lasting, deep, and meaningful connections from children.
Play: Think back to when you were a kid. What was the basis for your friendships? We got together to play: sports, games in the yard, or just to hang out. We got together because we had something in common, maybe because we were in the same class, and something just clicked. We got along. So we decided to spend more time in each other’s orbit.
Play more: Think about ways you can build connections that allow you to meet people in a play environment. How can you create connection in your company by building in elements of fun that aren’t just a one-day team building retreat?
Openness: There was a certain openness and flow to childhood friendship. That’s because, childhood besties were the safest place to share your secrets. Remember the pinkie swear? Creating a safe space for openness is key in building lasting relationships.
Be more open: Think about ways you can encourage and even reward openness with your connections. How can you build an open and empathetic pathway to communication? Creating openness deepens communication and builds stronger connections.
Non-Attachment: Childhood friendship rarely had strings. It wasn’t transactional and, when it was, “I’ll be your friend if you give me some of your lunch,” it certainly wasn’t meaningful. How do you feel when someone attaches a quid-pro-quo to your relationship? Or how about if they are really invested in the outcome? It feels heavy, doesn’t it?
Be less attached: Lighten up. Stop thinking transaction-like about your connections. Instead of thinking what you can get out of a connection, think about what you can do to add value for the other person. Also, let up on the vice grip around the outcome. Maintaining connection is an improvisational dance. Let it flow.
What were the best parts of your childhood friendships? If you have maintained those connections in adulthood, what about that friendship has made it a lasting one? Utilize that information to improve all the connections you make in life. The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE DYE HANSEN
Diane Dye Hansen has more than 20 years of experience in communication and change management gained in the sectors of government, non-profit, healthcare, publishing, advertising, entertainment, and technology. Her Critical Opportunity Theory helps organizations and leaders turn challenge into opportunity through proper leadership and team communication.
She is the president and founder of What Works Consultants, Inc., a consulting firm which helps business leaders communicate when communication is hard. This is done through research, strategic communication planning, change management consulting, customer success consulting, and training. She is a columnist on CarsonNow.org. To meet her and learn how she and her team can help your company, visit What Works Consultants, Inc. online at www.whatworksconsultants.com.
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