What Works: Work at your relationships, but don't torture yourself

I was scrolling around on Facebook today and ran into a post. “Once you are in a relationship, you think it’s going to last forever. In reality, it only lasts as long as you are both working for it. If one of you stops working, it falls apart.” Lots of comments in agreement were posted. There were lots of likes and loves. My viewpoint is slightly different.

There is a difference between work and torture. Case in point, Mike Michalowicz and his book “The Pumpkin Plan.” Customer relationships that suck time, resources, drain staff, and cut into the service of other customers are rotten pumpkins that need to be cut off the vine. Once you cut a rotten pumpkin off a vine, the other pumpkins can get the nutrients they need to grow bigger and even win prizes.

This is my view of relationships. Rotten relationships, of any kind, suck the nutrients off of your vine.

So how can you tell if something is work or torture?

Elements of something good that needs work:

— Both parties are willing to admit they need to help each other succeed.
— There needs to be a true desire to succeed. It’s not just lip service.
— The values of the relationship are in alignment. It just needs some tweaking to stay on course.
— The relationship is healthy. It’s not abusive in any way: mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially.

Elements of something that has turned into torture:

— One or both parties are not “all in” on the success of the relationship, or clear manipulation is taking place.
— Actions do not align with words. Promises are made to work and they are broken consistently.
— Values are out of alignment and one or both parties is diminished by the relationship. Resentment and anger turn into backlash, harmful reactions, and dishonesty.
— The relationship is abusive or deeply unequal with no signs of gaining agreement. It’s mentally, physically, emotionally, and financially draining.
— This happens in relationships of all types: work, business, romantic, family, and friendships — among others.

Who what do you do?

— Have an honest conversation, first with yourself and your internal team and then with the relationship in question.
— Understand that healthy relationships are mutually beneficial, create energy versus destroy it, and build up versus tear down.
— Perform an “account review” or “relationship review” to assure the health of the relationship.
— Be willing to act on the results.

Again, a customer health scoring model is a predictive way to see if relationships of a business variety are making their benchmarks. This proactive measure will help you keep customer health up while also being able to do the work to make it work before it becomes torture.

How does this resonate with you and your relationships? Comment below, like, and share the discussion. The floor is yours, Carson City.

ABOUT DIANE DYE HANSEN
Diane Dye Hansen has more than 20 years of experience in communication and change management gained in the sectors of government, non-profit, healthcare, publishing, advertising, entertainment, and technology. Her Critical Opportunity Theory helps organizations and leaders turn challenge into opportunity through proper leadership and team communication.
She is the president and founder of What Works Consultants, Inc., a consulting firm which helps business leaders communicate when communication is hard. This is done through research, strategic communication planning, change management consulting, human resources recruitment and training. She is a columnist on CarsonNow.org. To meet her and learn how she and her team can help your company, visit What Works Consultants, Inc. online at www.whatworksconsultants.com.