What Works: Drop the ball on the pity party

The New Year is all about resolutions for some people. Lose weight. Find love. Make more money. But here’s one we could all use, dry up the pity puddle. Stuff happens in life. It’s how you deal with it that determines if it’s going to be easy or a constant uphill battle. There’s only one way to make it easy, to take responsibility for your own thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Newton’s Third Law is, “every action has an equal and opposite reaction.” This works with human behavior as well. You are frustrated with a project; you take an action to procrastinate. The reaction is you have to scramble resources or work faster. You miss a deadline or you increase stress trying to reach it. Forces always come in pairs.

What does that mean? It means you thought something, felt something, did something, and there was a reaction in the universe. You started the chain. Even if your reaction was based on something someone else did.

Here’s an example. You are being passed over for a promotion. You have worked hard, stayed late, pushed as far as you can go. But nothing is giving. What happens next is in your court. Yes, you can sit and have the pity party. “Life sucks. I’m not getting anywhere. My boss is out to get me.” Or, you can decide how you will think and react. There are several scenarios here.

1) Action: To have a calm and honest conversation with your supervisor as to why the promotion hasn’t come your way and what you can do to increase your chances next round.
2) Thinking: To realize perhaps there is a better place for me at this company or another one.
3) Emotion: To consider how a promotion at this time would affect your total life and express sincere gratitude for what you do have. Maybe a promotion would result in a strain on your family at this time.

I’ll say it again. You are 100 percent responsible for your own actions, thoughts, and emotions. Throwing a pity party is a choice. No matter what happens in life, your reaction or non-reaction to it is also a choice. Dropping the ball on it is your decision to take positive action, reset your thinking, and feel at peace with whatever the situation may be. I know sometimes this is easier said than done. I can help you.

I teach reframing in my Mindset telecourse. You can pick up the 2014 version of that for a discount right now. It’s on my web site under products at www.whatworkscoaching.com/study. There’s even a deal on time with me to go over your results as well. If you are leading a team in 2015, this tends to be a sticking point with groups. I would love to spend some time teaching these principles personally. Just contact me via my site.

Have you been dwelling too much other other’s actions? How can you act, think, and feel to flip the situation and take your power back? The floor is yours, Carson City.

Just a quick post-note: I am so grateful for all the people around town who have recognized me in person for this column. You continuing to read and learn means more to me than you can imagine. I may reply with thanks or not know quite what to say. It’s because I am simply overwhelmed by your love and support. If you’ve seen me around, please say hi. Know that it truly makes my day.

ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, on Carson Now.