What Works: Sorry not sorry

Sorry – It’s such a common word. It’s intention and meaning vary from person to person. It could be nothing more than pre-conditioned response or a heartfelt, sincere understanding of wrongdoing. Regardless of what goes wrong, even in business and customer relationships, the first inclination is to say sorry. However, what is sorry without something to back it up?

There’s a phrase floating around right now that I notice a lot of people saying, “sorry not sorry.” This phrase is most noticeably used in youth culture as a statement that basically means, “I’m supposed to say I’m sorry, but really I believe I am fully in the right.”

So, how can you show regret or give a real apology? How can companies, when they have wronged a customer, connect with customers better so they can learn more from their mistakes?

The first step to this is to not assume your action had impact. You may feel guilt, but the person (or people) on the other side of the relationship may be just fine. In this case, sorry is a moot point.

Let’s use a restaurant for this example, as it’s a relatively common thing to have an order be incorrect, to wait too long for an order, or have something fail during a meal.

STANDARD WAY
Server: Sorry about the wait. (Or) Sorry the kitchen was backed up. (Hands customer their food and walks away… or) Can I get you anything else?

ALTERNATIVE WAY
Server: I apologize for the wait, are you OK on time or is there anything I can do for you?

One of these ways engages the customer, checks if a wrong was committed, and seeks a solution. The other either avoids the problem completely or places blame on another part of the establishment. Now, restauranteurs, I feel what you may say here. If we open it up, they will complain, ask for money off their bill, or take advantage of us.

This fear results in non-communication, a culture of avoidance of problems, and poor training for the server.
Questioning invites connection. It’s up to the questioner if the interaction creates confrontation.

Next, once the effect of the broken expectation is discovered, a solution, remedy, or discussion can take place. The standard way above closes the door on this opportunity. In Critical Opportunity Theory its denial and disavowal in action. If the customer says something, it may get addressed. However, if a rushed customer has already waiting too long, do you think they want to take more time addressing the issue? Some will. Many won’t.

Engagement at every service opportunity is the answer. This isn’t just relevant at the point of failure, but at every touchpoint of service.

Now, let’s apply this to relationships. You are late for something. Knowing what I have shared above, how would you handle it differently? How can being sorry AND communicative help your relationships? And, if you aren’t sorry, don’t feel the need to say you are.

We condition our children to do this all the time. It’s because we were raised that way too. As a result, there are generations of non-communicators ahead unless our behavior changes.

Conditioning is a powerful thing. However, it can be challenged if we have the courage to do it. Go against the grain and speak your truth, whatever it is. It could change your life. Yes, I know this is a hot topic. Any time I speak about communication and relationships, it is. So the floor is yours, Carson City.

SAY HELLO AND LETS GET INNOVATIVE TOGETHER
On Your Radio or Streaming: Start your week off right by listening to “Drive Time” with Diane Dye Hansen on KNVC 95.1 from 6 am to 8 am on Monday mornings. Happy, motivational music, positive spins on negative news, interviews with people in the community who can bring joy into your life. Email diane@whatworkscoaching.com if you would like to be featured as a guest and have GREAT inspiration to share. Stream past episodes or listen live at www.knvc.org

Entrepreneurs: Spring into action on your business! Entrepreneur’s Assembly, Carson City chapter meets Wednesday, July 11, 2018 in The Studio at Adams Hub for Innovation and every second Wednesday of each month. Free mastermind group voted Entrepreneur’s Assembly Chapter of the Year 2017. 5:30 p.m.

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About Diane Dye Hansen
Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Innovation Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City, Nevada. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. She is also the creator of Critical Opportunity Theory, a mindset and change theory which defines the moment crisis creates more opportunity than would have existed without the crisis.

Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino and a Masters in Communication Management from the University of Southern California. She is also the Chief Executive Officer of What Works Recruitment, a company which specializes in filling hard-to-fill positions and fitting talent with culture. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.