What Works: The Power of No

I didn’t grow up with a lot of money. My parents divorced when I was five after 25 years of marriage. My mom, a loyal housewife, had to reinvent herself at age 46. Seeing this reinvention, growing up, I learned one important thing: Resilience.

We wonder. “How will I get through this?” We wonder if we will ever make our dreams as big as they are in our daydreams. We wonder. “Will I be able to withstand one more hit in life, one more lost job, one more failed business venture, one more lost relationship without crumbling?”

My mother inspired me.

When I was eight years old, I really wanted to go roller skating. My mom was making $8 an hour working as an LVN at a nursing home. She was facing debt from nursing school and the growing demands of raising a little girl by herself. She was 54 years old and had started a new career in nursing, but was still struggling every day.
She told me, “we can’t afford it.”

But I was a determined little spitfire, even back then. And to an 8-year-old in the 80s, not being able to go roller skating was a crisis. So, I picked up the phone and dialed. Again, and again, talking to people from church who were going roller skating. My mom said, “Diane, if you want something you just go out and get it don’t you?” I smirked. By the end of that hour, I had a ride, I had the money, and I went roller skating.

People hear this story and others, which you will hear if you connect with me, how I faced crisis and transition. I have faltered and learned from those failings and I have had those beautiful roller skating moments again and again. I suppose you could say my theory of Crappertunity has been in development a long time. I’ve heard over and over, teach me how to do that.

So, I answered the call. I became dedicated to researching how to turn crisis into opportunity and all the topics which impact that outcome: resilience, fear, frustration, how to find support in a network, building confidence, persistence, self-awareness and responsibility, conflict resolution, culture building, and the power of change. I challenge anyone to increase their proficiency in any those skills and not win.

There are times in my life I didn’t have those skills. I certainly wasn’t born with them. I had to be inspired into them or do research to find them. I turned to whatever I could get my hands on: relationships, work, partying, to give me satisfaction. My head was buried deep in the sand and I wasn’t honest, especially with myself. I believe no one should have to run away from themselves to find true fulfillment. I believe it’s possible to be fully present in yourself, in what is going on, and say “I know what’s real. Now, let’s heal.”

It takes a lot of getting past “no” in life to not just get to yes, but get to success. I’ve been told “no” so many times. No, my parents couldn’t help me pay for college. I got loans and went to college, working in the computer lab and then working full time and going to school full time until I graduated from Cal State San Bernardino. In December, I will have my Masters in Communication Management from the University of Southern California. “No” is not insurmountable. What no means is NOw it’s time for you to take some action.

What it came back to, time and time again was the values mom taught me. We can be called to reinvent ourselves at any time. I value connection, with myself and others, and to maintain that bond no matter how rough the seas get. I value integrity, and not letting my solution be someone else’s pain. I value intense passion for life and career. The two to me are not separable. I believe in the power plant of personal growth and how it can change lives and the world.

My job is to make sure that power plant is generating. My job is to inquire, challenge, and guide my clients to the best version of themselves. My job is to make all of this accessible. This is why I write this column every week, blog, do guest blogs, speak, and will soon even have low cost course options people can take online. This information shouldn’t be hard to get.

I believe we all have the power to impact, change, and improve what happens in our lives. I believe we are not victims of our circumstances. Rather, those circumstances can benefit us and the world, if we allow it.
My challenge to whoever is reading this, as we approach the anniversary of the state of Nevada, is a simple question. What do you believe? What do you value? How do you handle the problems and “nos” in your life? Share and comment.

What Works Coaching

Diane Dye Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, an individual and organizational coaching and consulting firm based in Carson City. She has 20 years of experience working with top corporations, growing businesses, motivated entrepreneurs, and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Diane holds a Bachelor’s in Business Administration and Marketing from Cal State San Bernardino. She is also a candidate for a Master’s degree in Communications Management from the University of Southern California. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, in Carson Now.