Deer hunting: Nevada's fifth season
Submitted by Carson Now Reader on Sun, 10/05/2014 - 3:25pm
Editor's Note: The following satire piece was written by Jerry Vance, longtime Carson City fitness and exercise instructor.
It’s Hunting Season! Yesterday there were 13 deer in my yard. Do you know what that means? It’s hunting season. Here in Northern Nevada we have five seasons, the normal four plus a special one; when an outdoor workout means climbing hills in search of four footed animals with “racks.”
Nevadans will hunt just about anything that flies, runs or swims, but deer season is the big kahuna. Bucks, as these “racked” animals are called, are found on the top of steep mountains or hiding in heavily wooded areas where wheels can’t reach. They can only be found during freezing early mornings and standing in six foot snow drifts. Making it a “first class deer hunt”. Deer hunting is a must for all human males with the desire to get away from home for a week.
Once in a while an unsuspecting wife will accompany the deer hunter into mountains and snowdrifts. They will sleep on the ground in a cold tent, cook for the hunter, and generally keep the hunting camp free of bugs. The wife must have a strong stomach, lots of thermal underwear, a desire for venison liver, and not care about her hairdo.
There is, however, a lot of exercise involved in hunting “racks.” Mostly up and down for hours, and sometimes when the hunter gets tired, the wife gets to carry the back pack with all the hunter’s essentials. You can’t sneeze, talk, wear perfume, or spit while accompanying your hunter. It is also your job to “flush” out the “racks” and herd them into the gun range of the resting hunter. If your hunter misses the shot, you must remain silent. All of these requirements must be met if the wife wishes to be invited along next year.
Once in a while the wife will draw the deer tag. Now, this presents a totally different angle. Perhaps there is a chance here for negotiation. She gets to shoot the gun, and she gets to rest on the side of the hill eating candy bars while he “flushes”. Forget the tent, what’s wrong with a warm trailer, and maybe the hunter can be taught to cook. There is one problem with deer hunting that the wife needs to consider.
The GUTTING OF THE DEER! If you shoot it – you clean it. That part didn’t show up in my hunting manual. Maybe being the pack bearer isn’t so bad after all.
