By Diane Dye Hansen
I visited a friend’s house this weekend and noticed a dog roaming freely in their unfenced yard. At first I was taken aback and then I noticed something. They were utilizing an electric fence. Put aside your feelings about electric fences for a moment and hang with me for a bit. This concept can teach us a lot about personal and professional boundaries.
First, the fence doesn’t work if 1) the pet isn’t wearing the compatible collar, 2) the animal doesn’t come close enough to the fence to feel the effect, 3) the fence isn’t turned on. My friend told me once her dog did get past the barrier, but he never tried again. Braver pets might not be deterred by the result of crossing the fence. So they get “loose,” which may cause problems.
Put this in a human context now. The collar represents the relationship between us and our boundaries, just as there is a clear relationship between the collar and the fence. The two act as one just as what “irks” us is part of who we are. The dog represents the relationship that is subject to the boundary.
There are two ways to communicate what gets “under our collar,” so to speak, in a relationship interaction. We can 1) communicate and work around or accommodate the boundary to maintain a good working relationship or 2) We can get “shocked” by invisible boundaries put in place by friends, colleagues, bosses, or significant others. When the fence is turned off and there is no boundary around a situation, the relationship is free to run wherever it wants. This can result in a “loose” and potentially troublesome relationship.
Communication is the key to not getting shocked or caught off guard by a lack of boundaries. Knowing yourself and setting clear boundaries in business, personal, or familial relationships helps minimize the shock or looseness of a crossed boundary. This results in better team work, stronger partnerships, and a respectful environment where everyone feels honored and heard.
What personal or professional boundaries do you have in place? Which ones do you need to put in place? Have you clearly communicated your boundaries or are you practicing “invisible fence” relationships? How do you react when someone touches your fence? How would you react if you wanted to keep a constructive relationship while assuring the boundary isn’t crossed again? The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, on Carson Now.
