What Works: Love Yourself First
Love her or hate her, Rupaul has some wise words when it comes to loving yourself. “If you don’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?” The wisest example I have found on loving myself came from a set of airplane instructions. “Put your own oxygen mask on first before you attempt to help someone with theirs.”
If I am not having healthy relationships, I am not a good relationship coach. If my business isn’t prospering, how can I help others with theirs? In “putting your own oxygen mask on first,” you tend to your own needs before you end up trying to “push through” in order to meet anyone else’s. After all, if you can’t breathe, how can you help someone else breathe before you pass out?
I run into so many people on a day to day basis who wake up in the morning and run hard and fast. They exhaust themselves into lack of self-care in the name of caring for their families, trying to cram in work projects, or meet a goal. They run so hard and fast they actually end up doing the opposite of what they want to achieve. They lose real moments with their families. They make mistakes in their work product. Or they push themselves so hard toward their goal that they experience burn out. All of this is the result of not loving yourself first. I will be the first person to raise my hand on this and say, “guilty!” I think on some level, we all are.
Here are a few tips you can use to love others more by loving yourself first.
Give yourself a break: If you are going so hard and fast your head is starting to spin, take a break, adjust your schedule, or look at what your real priorities are. You might need to ask for help yourself, start a car pool to get the kids to school, or take any number of steps to make sure there you put time in your day to just breathe. By making yourself a priority in this way, you are better able to both give and receive (and will probably be in a better mood to do it, too!)
Don’t short-change yourself: The times I have felt the most pain from the challenges I face, I have lacked sleep, exercise, proper nutrition, or all of the above. These things may seem expendable, but they are really essential to your ability to function at an optimum level.
Recognize and honor your emotions: If you are angry, recognize that. If you are happy, be grateful and use it to create more happiness. Sometimes all you have to do is notice an emotion is there to move forward or stop a situation from snowballing. Instead of trying to push down fear, just note to yourself, “I am afraid.” It’s amazing how just recognizing your emotional state can put you on the path to resolving it.
Know your support team: No man is an island and no one can do it totally on their own. Recognize the people in your circle who energize you and those who drain you. Build your own super team of people and connect with them whenever possible. Keep things solution-oriented and solutions will come.
What do you do to “put your own oxygen mask on first?” How do you show yourself that you love yourself on a daily basis? The floor is yours, Carson City.
ABOUT DIANE HANSEN
Diane Hansen is the Chief Inspiration Officer of What Works Coaching, a coaching firm that has helped people worldwide with their businesses, careers, mindsets, and profit margins. She brings to Carson City more than 17 years of experience with a wide array of clients, ranging from top corporations, motivated entrepreneurs and individuals hungry for a fresh start. Her column appears every Monday, and sometimes Tuesday, on Carson Now.